People say "Fear God" : well that's always seemed like a crock of shit to me.
To me fear is for people who are afraid of something, more succinctly in my view afraid to lose something. Commonly people in power have fear, fear that people will discover their lies and deceit. They fear the truth.
I was afraid to lose something once, but I lost it. Now I fear nothing much. I recognised how delicate and frail the purity of my wifes spirit was and I was afraid that evil people may harm her (thus destroying that) but I had enough faith in her and in myself to be comfortable that such was unlikely. We lived and loved in a happiness which I feel will never be repeated in my life. Having lost that I really do not care about the rest.
In the end God took her, or to phrase it how I feel, I feel that God robbed me. God it seems to me was the asshole I needed to be watchful of.
Enter the ContradictionsNow the fruitloops who tell me they understand God better than me (and based on what I ask?) tell me that its all part of Gods Plan.
Contradiction 1- Free will: apparently God so values free will that God allows all manner of shit to go on in the world. Because he loves us and one day we'll see that really God did this for us. Well ok, I'm willing to agree that much shit goes on in this world due to free will, but Anita was killed (by God) using a weapon of a cancer. This cancer was a fast growing cancer of the brain (which effects many it seems) and we as yet have totally no idea as to what causes it. We only know that being found to have it is a death sentence.
I'm not seeing free will much at work there. To me that's a design flaw or a little switch that God can activate to kill some one. Ok, so maybe Anita has been taken to a wonderful place (and no doubt, she was a wonderful woman whom many loved and admired) but he's orchestrated cutting out my heart and squeezing a pimple into it.
God killed her because he loved me? To me such "love" is child abuse. I do not fear God further because I see he has done much harm to me already. Looking into the future I can see possibility for further harm, but I don't fear it. I look forward to a time when I can stand before God and ask "OK, so what's the Fuzz here"
Contradiction 2 - Almighty God: God didn't kill Anita it was beyond his control. God could have saved her, but to have intervened would have been a miracle (and Gods pretty capricious in handing them out it seems).
Having demolished "Free Will" as part of the cause of Anitas death I can only put down "bad design" or "action (either deliberate or accidental)". Bad design could be in the design of the human body or in the design of the universe where some stray gamma particle smacked her and triggered it. Either way its bad design. If there was an "error" somewhere it makes a slight subtraction from the Almighty aspect of God.
If God is not Almighty then perhaps we should start to ask more questions.
There is no point in me going on further about the problems with a Perfect God who is as we are taught, for these two points alone appear to demolish the views of many of the simplistic views of God (backed up with the "just have faith" in the things you don't understand).
I think its pretty clear at this point that I do believe that there is a God, for if I did not then I would not be having this discussion from this perspective.
I believe that the Universe (the one we can see) was created, but that such creation was not done in a way where every detail was planned. Rather it was seeded and grew as perhaps does a plant. When you plant a pumpkin seed you know what the plant will look like, but not where it will have each leaf and where each pumpkin will grow. But you do know that from that seed will grow a pumpkin and not corn.
I believe that much goes on in Creation which God did not intend, and which God winces at when God sees those accidents causing suffering.
I do not believe God to be Almighty, perhaps God could extinguish the Universe, but that just gives Him the power of destruction. I don't believe God can intervene on a more delicate level.
But deep down I believe that God cares and God shares our suffering. God does not seek our suffering but equally God is powerless to stop it.
To me this makes more intuitive sense than the contradictions. I struggled with this until I discovered (some months ago) this video, where a Jewish Rabbi discuses aspects of the Jewish faith where it seems they recognise that God does seek atonement for the sins committed by his universe on the innocent. I recommend you take the time to watch it, whatever is the flavour of your faith.
My message today is to not fear God, but to instead just live your life as honestly as you can, to love and enjoy the beauty you find, to not do anything you do not believe is right.
Do not expect good to come to you, do not expect God to assist (probably its impossible) or indeed expect anything.
Know that what you build will be destroyed except for what you build in your heart.
For what is in your heart is something which I believe lives on beyond this matter of which we are made.
Pain does not go away and things are still fraught with danger. But there is nothing to fear in that.